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Difference Between Love & Limerence

2 min read



What is the difference between love and limerence?

Dr. Joe Beam of http://www.MarriageHelper.com discusses the difference between limerence and love in this video.

Limerence is the feeling of being madly in love, but is it true love or a chemically produced feeling that doesn’t produce a long term relationship?

Dr. Beam discusses these topics and related details in this informative video.

When a marriage is affected by an affair it is often the case that the person involved in the affair is experiencing the mental state of limerence. For a detailed description of limerence, visit http://www.marriagehelper.com/limerence

When a person is in an affair and in the state of limerence, the chemicals that influence limerence leave them with little ability to think logically or rationally.

A person in this state will risk their family, their job, and their marriage to be with the limerent object (the person that the affair is happening with).

The high of limerence is comparable to a high brought on by powerful drugs and is as addictive. It will take time for limerence to fade.

Limerence and love are quite different. Though limerence can inspire a form of love, it’s not the type of love that can hold together a relationship for the long term as Dr. Beam explains in this video.

Real love is based on commitment, companionship, friendship, and trust. Limerence is based on emotional and physical highs. It often has an intense focus on sex and physical closeness.

If you or your spouse is in a limerence-based relationship, Marriage Helper can help you to escape it in order to save your marriage. Get more information on our workshop for marriages in crisis at http://www.marriagehelper.com/marriage_seminar.php

SUBSCRIBE To Marriage Helper’s channel for more videos that are helpful to your marriage!

31 thoughts on “Difference Between Love & Limerence

  1. So what happens if both are in limerence however the one finishes the cycle and ends it. For 8 months all of those feelings have been so so strong! The physical pain, sickness etc was so so bad when just a simple remark was made which made me think she thought less of me. She was exactly the same with me however I think perhaps at stage 2 just before me! She I think has just go to stage 3 and has decided to end it however I am still in stage 2! This is so hard. How do I now get to stage 3. Can anyone help with this??

  2. My wife divorced me after 17 years and with 2 kids, saying that she never had loved me and said that the marriage was a mistake to begin with. She said there is no other man but a month later she said she had finally found true love from a man who plays Pokémon go with her. Could it be limerence and that she had been forming a bond with him long time before the divorce decision?

  3. Limerence is real – thank you for helping me recognize it – Dr. Beam is 100% right. So happy it was recognized and corrected before it got to the point of no return. YOU ARE AMAZING!!!!!!!! <3

  4. People who are stuck looking for the Limerence relationship with their spouse tends to cheat and immature. Narcs are this.

  5. Isn't this the way ALL relationships begin? Isn't this the same thing as the "Honeymoon" phase in ALL relationships? I don't understand, actually, the distinction you are trying to make between love and "limerece". Though thank you for your thoughts.

  6. I’m lucky I came across this video. I was thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend because I am currently experiencing Limerence with a younger classmate. This happens to me every time I meet a new guy in my life tbh and I don’t understand why. This happened before with my coworker and I talked myself out of that too. The part vilifying part is sooo accurate too. I’m so glad I can finally identify that sensation as Limerence. I’m glad I’ve never actually acted on it but it had confused me so many times so I’m glad I’ve stumbled across this video which explains these feelings to me.

  7. How do I know 100 percent that I'm in limerance? I was very unhappy for 7 years with my fiance. We've been together for 20 years and have 3 kids. I cheated on her about 7 years ago and we decided to stay together. She never wanted to make love and she made me feel unwanted, ugly and I thought there was another guy. I started liking a friend of ours. I told the friend how I felt and she felt the same attraction. I promised my girl I would never cheat again so I decided to tell her. We've been apart for 4 months now and i keep going back and forth with who i want to be with. Even cheated on my new girl with my old one. I've taken a step back from back to try to figure myself out because i dont know who i want to be with. I'm wondering if limerance is what i have. Also my new girl loves me to death. I told her about the sex with my X and shes still willing to work through this with me. I need some advice!!

  8. I'm nervous right now that my husband is going to be starting and has started an emotional affair with his coworker he has only known since mid July. I don't know how to approach this because he claims he is being truthful and I'm policing him.

  9. What happens when limerence doesnt end? Whats the difference between a betrated paranoid partnrf andblimerance. Also are co dependent relationships a product of limurence if the oerson youre crazy about has a wonderjng eye?

  10. This is very helpful, but at the same time, hard to accept. This is exactly how I feel and I will be sure and stop obsessing. At the same time, that is how the marriage I am in now started. Reality has set in with my husband and I feel alive when I am this other person now. Sometimes feeling something, though might be painful later is better than no feeling at all and we just take it. Where to go from here…

  11. Well am living proof that Limmerance love can last atleast 10 + years and counting. I was with my partner I'm in limerence love with for 12 years and he broke up with me a month ago even tho we made it 12 years I'll say the first two years we're regular that's when it started to become intense then to limerence from then until now it has always been limerence love and even with him leaving me I am still at the same peak it has not dropped any from when it peaked which I would say would probably be let's say 8 years ago it didn't take that long maybe 2 years to reach the peak and it never decreased since and I'm even ready to give up I've even gone to the point of suicidal attempts I've been suicidal about my limerence love leaving twice over the last month alone so am I different than the rest cuz that seems pretty extreme me I'd also like to stay the worst part about it is not that they're leaving you or the they don't love you back the way you love them not for me anyways the worst part for me is that many times I have thought I should leave him I deserve better I don't need to stay here he doesn't treat me good enough. right now I should be taking this as a blessing I should be happy I'm free. I couldn't do it he done it for me because i know he doesn't give me or show me enough love not even nearly enough and I know that I deserve much better so the reason I even been suicidal and won't say I'm not still at the thought stage but at least currently not at the attempt stage is because I don't have control over my own actions that I know I shouldn't be with him but I have no ability to act on it no control of my own actions or reactions or decisions, that's a very scary thought. In other words im saying that even though I know it's the right thing to do to leave him Id give up my own life before Id do so he could be physically abusive to me and I wouldn't even see that I would commit murder for him without question it's dangerous it's very very dangerous I'm just advising anybody out there if I caught it early enough I wouldn't be here today and I'd be a lot better off I can't really save myself but you still can listen to your brain not your heart before eventually you can't listen to your brain anymore and you lose the ability to decide for yourself no one should ever have to go through the likes of not being in control of what you do. Now here's where it gets even more interesting in my case he left me tree with another woman I believe enough I after watching this video I'm starting to believe he left me for her because he's experience limerence love for her but it's still early enough he can save himself how messed up is that.

  12. I did went recently trough this experience and i will follow his advice on limerence, its hard to let go but it turn to be beneficial to have to be willing to be patient and accept what is and in my situation i had friend that as not told me about his girlfriend for 2 years we never been intimate but i have experienced limerence he as provided for me and my family we are we compatible like soulmate but i did cut my loses emotionally . I guess my question is : May real can exist after the limerence go away ? Thank you ,

  13. What if the limerence has always been towards your husband or wife. .and you were raised by societies standards, within a narcissistic family. .then just so happened to meet your true love who removes your blinders to who you actually are..

  14. I live in the area and I wish I could have a live counseling session with this guy. Limerence has been running my life since I was a child, and now that I know what limerence actually is, I feel almost cheated by myself, like I have never made a positive decision in my life for ME before, that it's always been for my "limerent objects". Every 2 years or so I will try to leave whoever I am with for a LO. I need to break the cycle!

  15. My wife of 12+ years left me and kids after her first affair. I stood for our marriage and waited for her to return to us. But she made it clear that she moved on with her new bf. What makes things worst she's 38 yr old and her bf is 20 yrs old. We loved each other for so long but this was a shock to us all . This is only fresh and raw and still trying to cope with it all. After seeing this video I come to realise that she's going through " LIMERENCE " because of her actions and the way she dealt with it. Choosing her life with someone over her husband and children says it all. I pray that she comes out of it before it is all too late. The emotional mess she left is unbearable esp the kids.

  16. If a husband tries his best with his wife, but the wife refuses to even discuss two burning issues with her husband that need resolving, he's got to carry on being married to her, unhappily! Is that what you're saying? Can you not marry someone in limerence or does it only happen in affairs. Sorry, but I find all your videos extremely hypocritical because if your lover hadn't left you, you'd have never gone back with your wife. More fool her having you back!

  17. I have had limerant love and it does not last, when you mention that it last 3 to 48 months, this is completely accurate, limerant love is also unproductive, I also lost part of my health…

  18. Joe first of all what an amazing video explaining what this is but I will have to say your explanation into the time it takes for limerence to go away isn't my experience. I feel that I have been in limerence for about half decade longer than what you explained in a video although it could be possible I just keep reentering with this same person. I was able to exit limerence at one point because I found a different person who was willing to have a romantic relationship with me, but after a couple of months after that ended (Not due to the person I am currently in limerence with but for other reasons that I am not willing to address) I went right back into limerence with that same person. I have no idea of why this happens there are other people in my life that I can pursuit a romantic relationship with but this one person is always my default maybe it could be time invested or inconsistent contact but it happens and I don't see a way out. It has interrupted my studies if you will among other things and I think I need either closure or a cure for this. I have looked online for maybe a possible chemical that would cut off this way of thinking about this person but from what I have seen this is purely psychological and there is no cure for this.

  19. I had it, found the cure : cold cut all ties with the person and mutual friends. No contact whatsoever. Delete all numbers, Fotos, souvenirs etc. If needed change cities. It gets better after 4 months no contact. You can do it too!

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